


Benson’s Journal

by motherbearof3



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, First Impressions, Journal, possible romantic feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-17 10:53:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15459783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motherbearof3/pseuds/motherbearof3
Summary: Olivia Benson’s reflections on significant moments in her life. All once Barba has become the ADA of course! Chapter One begins with their first meeting and first case together. I’m trying to use actual dates provided on the show when possible for specific instances, but in this chapter, I added a random date in the middle.





	1. Benson and Barba’s first case

**Author's Note:**

> After I created head canon that Olivia keeps a journal in Spring Brings New Life, I got to thinking about how it would be fun to write new entries from other significant moments in her life involving Rafael Barba. Then I saw a rerun from when Munch retires and she speaks at the party, citing an entry from her diary. So maybe my head canon isn’t that far off base as I thought. Ideally these would be in order, but that probably won’t happen. I may end up rearranging to keep them chronological. 
> 
> As always, thanks to NBC and Dick Wolf for giving us these characters to play with!

**July 11, 2012**

Capt. Harris brought in a new ADA for the case against Adam Cain. His name is Rafael Barba. Moved laterally from Brooklyn SVU. Rollins and I met him this afternoon at the courthouse. My initial impression: wow.

He’s about the same height as I am without heels. Broad shoulders. Very stylish dresser. I think I saw a peek of suspenders under his jacket. Who wears suspenders these days? Cragen did but he was older and carried some weight around the middle and needed them to keep his pants up. This guy certainly doesn’t have that problem. Dark hair that looks like he gets it trimmed twice a month. He has green eyes. Green! And when he shook my hand I literally felt this tingle up my arm. But I’m not making that mistake again. No more lawyers. Hayden proved that for me. Harris said he comes highly recommended. I’m curious to see what he does with this case.

 

**July 15, 2012**

I did a little digging into our new ADA. He went to Harvard. Undergrad and law school. Full scholarship to both. That’s a little impressive. Grandparents immigrated here from Cuba. Never been married. Wonder why? Of course, it’s probably no easier for a DA to maintain a long term relationship than it is a cop. Look at McCoy. I get the feeling he can be a real prick when he wants to be. But I’d rather have a DA that challenges me rather than one I can walk all over.

 

**August 15, 2012**

What did I say about no more lawyers? Barba may be the exception to that rule someday. The stunt he pulled today in court certainly proved Harris’ Big Brass -- Ego comment! He had Adam Cain on the stand and was trying to provoke him. I should have realized something was up when he had on a belt instead of the suspenders I’ve seen him in everyday since we met. But when he started to unbuckle it and take it off, asking Cain to explain why it was so arousing to him, I was shocked. Calhoun tried to object but got shut down.

Then he put it around his neck and told Cain to show him and the jury how hard he pulled on it when his own was around Jocelyn’s neck. Cain didn’t take the bait at first, but eventually he pulled hard enough Barba was choking. I nearly leapt up from my seat, but once it was loosened, he was okay.

The verdict was guilty. Of course that’s what we all expected. Hoped for. But Barba is new, regardless of how highly recommended he comes, so you never know. He didn’t crack a smile as you might expect. New assignment, new -- very high profile case. You’d think he’d be happy and ready to celebrate. What he did do was stand at the prosecutor’s table and turn his head to look at me. Directly at me. He knew exactly where I was sitting, although I never saw him look in my direction before that moment. Our eyes met and damn, there was that tingle again. All I could do was smile and nod at him. He nodded back, as if he knew this had sealed his place with us at Manhattan SVU.


	2. Becoming a mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the end of Spring Awakening. The only date I had was when Ellie's body was found. At the hearing Judge Linden says Noah's mother was killed "last week" so I just went a week ahead.

**May 5, 2014**

Ellie Porter ran away from St. Bernardine’s tonight and we found her body in the Brooklyn Freight Yard. Burned nearly unrecognizable. All she needed to do was stay at the halfway house until tomorrow so she could testify. I came home and cried. Cried for her, cried for Noah. That poor baby will never know his mother. Ellie didn’t deserve this but like Murphy said, she made her choice. Noah didn’t choose any of what has happened to him so far in his short life. He doesn’t deserve to grow up without a family. I can only pray he ends up in a good foster family and some loving family adopts him.

 

**May 12, 2014**

I stopped by family court today to see what was going to happen to Noah Porter. Since Ellie is dead and she had no other family he was declared an orphan and ward of the state. Judge Linden saw me lurking in the doorway and out of the blue asked if I would be willing to be Noah’s foster mother. She said she had a feeling about it. A judge’s hunch, she called it.

So now I have a baby sleeping in a portable crib next to my bed! Never in my life did I imagine that would happen when I stopped in the courtroom this morning! After everything he’s been through, he’s a good baby. He doesn’t cry much. At least he hasn’t yet. They sent me home with enough supplies for a few days but I need to go shopping. Diapers, formula, a real crib, more clothes. My own carseat so I can return the one we came home in to ACS. I think I’ll ask Nick to come with me. He knows all about such things and I think he would enjoy it. Oh! A stroller! Maybe I’ll get one of those jogging ones. No, what am I thinking? I don’t jog! Hah!

Oh my God I can’t believe this is happening! I’ve dreamed for years of having a child of my own. I enjoyed having Calvin live with me, but that was not something that could have ever been a permanent thing. Judge Linden made me Noah’s foster mother for a year. Next year at this time I can petition to adopt him if I want. If I WANT!? I want nothing more.

I know this isn’t going to be easy, but -- oh, there he goes! My sweet boy needs me.


End file.
